the ebb + flow of creating space + showing up

Somedays we are creating space, showing up and watching what unfolds in the mundane, everyday experiences we encounter, like eating breakfast or getting dressed.

Sometimes creating space, showing up and watching what unfolds happens in small chunks of time like attending our children's soccer game over the course of a season or writing that book over the course of a year.

Other times creating space, showing up and watching what unfolds happens over decades where we spend time learning to create space and then showing up to the newness that the space created.

This ebb and flow between creating space and showing up to that space is what life is made of.

I'm entering into the time in my life where there is nothing else to do but to show up -consistently, mindfully, deeply to the space that I have created. I would not be here, in this moment, without all those daily, weekly, monthly, seasonal, yearly experiences that allowed me to practice the art of creating space by letting go of judgement + expectation and cultivating curiosity + compassion in it's place. As I've let go of so many things that no longer serve me, I have made room for all that is meant to be mine - joy, love, peace and presence.

Creating space is only the first step.

We can set and offer the invitation but then we must show up to that invitation with curiosity and compassion.

Creating space is not just a physical act, it is space within our hearts and minds. A space to experience something new - free from history, free from fear, free from our limiting beliefs.

Creating space starts with invitation, physical or verbal, and then moves to noticing who and what is showing up within us as we act on this invitation or better yet, when our children act on the invitations we set before them or decline the offering. The healing happens when we show up. So set the nice dinner invitation, but show up curious. Go to the soccer games, and show up curious. Go to the garage to clear more space, and show up curious.

There is this ebb and flow. Create space. Show up. Create space. Show Up. Create space. Show up.

Both creating space and showing up work harmoniously together to create something new.

MY INVITATION TO YOU:

Journal Work:

Notice + reflect on where you are at in this journey. Are you in the process of creating physical space by letting go of the material things that no longer serve you? Are you creating spaces (invitations) for your children to attend? Are you showing up to these spaces, noticing what part of you is there? Notice the ebb and flow of how we create space and show up. Life is always in motion. Honor wherever you are at.

With Love,

Maria

so what does compassion look like?

This I know for sure. That we must first feel compassion for ourselves before we can feel compassion for others.

Compassion first comes from the realization that we are all humans. All of us, having a human experience.

As humans, we are always learning. Always floundering. Always perfectly imperfect.

We tend to forget that. We put on the masks. We pretend we know what we're doing so no one realizes how flawed we really are. We hide underneath the personality.

It is only when we are able to lift our own mask, see what lies beneath and make peace with that part of ourselves that we can begin to genuinely feel compassion for others.

True Story:

I am angry. I am angry at my husband. He needed me to go to a doctor's appointment so I can learn how to treat an open wound. I look at my calendar and tell him I'm free on Mondays and Wednesdays. Those are the days I can go. He gets on the phone and takes some time to talk to the nurse. When it's time to set up the appointment he makes the appointment for a Tuesday. I'm hearing this happen right in front of me so I say I can't do Tuesdays. He choose to ignore me. This act has angered me all week. No matter how much I say to myself, "He's helped me before. I've needed him in the past. I've been sick and he has taken care of me", nothing feels good. These line of thinking don't ease the anger.

Some of us think this is what compassion looks like. The "I've been there before" talk that goes on in our heads. Convincing ourselves that we've been there before so we know how they feel is not the compassion I'm talking about.

So what is it?

Here is how this situation went:

I sit with the anger. I give myself permission to feel it. I find myself saying I'm allowed to be angry. This is the opening. If I didn't allow my anger to be there, I would push it down as I'm apt to do. I don't say anything to him. I just act irritated and frustrated. I'm totally annoyed. The annoyance is masking the anger. I shift from allowing my anger to be there to feeling curious. Where does this anger stem from? What am I angry about? I go with not feeling seen and heard. This doesn't satiate me. I'm still angry. So I know I haven't accessed the origin point.

I think about him. He made this appointment knowing that I said I can't do Tuesdays. I put myself in his shoes. He had a cyst removed from his back a few weeks ago. As soon as the stitches came off, the wound opened up. The doctor was out for the week so it basically stayed open the whole week until we were able to see him on his first day back. Putting myself in his shoes, I felt his fear. The wound being in his back is hard to see. He knows it's open and can easily get infected. When have I acted in fear that way? When had I dismissed another's desires out of my fear of being hurt and suffering? I know I do that all time when it comes to the kids. I have dismissed my children's needs for fear of my own suffering. I remember one particular story when my 13 year old son wanted to move his bedroom into the in-law suite. I told him it wasn't going to happen. I came up with a million excuses. He was a teenager. I couldn't keep my eyes on him. Whatever it was. When I reflected on my reaction, I realized that I wasn't ready to let him go. I would "suffer" if he left the main house to live in the in-law suite.

This is the compassion I am searching for. That click that says I too have been there before. I have been in his fear. I have felt the same fear. Compassion isn't "You helped me in the past when I needed tending so I will help you now that you need tending."

My mind won't tell me what it is. Only when I drop into my heart can I see how I too have been in his shoes.

There's a softening around this situation. The anger has dissipated.

Now when I speak to him I can say, from my heart and with love for myself and him, please try to honor my wishes if you ever need me to go to an appointment. I'm sure he will hear me. And if not, I know it isn't about me, because I'm committed to speaking from the heart.

I'm really learning how to have compassion for myself in ways that I could have never imagined.

This heart-felt way of living allows me to have compassion for others.

With Love,

Maria

cultivate compassion

Showing up requires compassion. Without it, we beat ourselves up with our internal critical voice.

Showing up to anything we do requires compassion.

As my kids head off to school today and need to navigate new buildings, new classes, new teachers I tell them it's okay if they don't know where to go or what to do.

It's okay to stand alone in the hallway before a class. It doesn't mean anything about who you are and how much you are loved.

It's okay to ask for help. People are genuinely nice.

Everything is new to them and if they need me for any reason, even if it's just to say "I'm scared. I feel embarrassed. I don't know what I'm doing." just text me or call me. I am right here for them. I won't be able to change anything for them. I don't want to. I just want to give them permission to feel whatever they are feeling. It's okay.

We all need to hear these words. We need to hear that anything we do, whether it's for the first time or the millionth time, it's okay to stumble and fall. It's okay to not know how to do something. It's okay to feel what we're feeling. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to put ourselves out there. It's okay to fail.

Showing up to life, to our desires, to our soul's callings is scary. As we take the steps, the actions to making them happen we can re-parent that internal voice and allow love to soften the experience.

This is compassion.

Compassion is being in a space of love, allowing things to be as they are because we have been there before in our own way. It's recognizing the humanity in all of us.

As we take the steps, as we cultivate the practice of showing up even when we're scared, we can begin to uncover all the parts of ourselves that need a loving voice, a safe space and kind words.

With love,

Maria