easier said than done

How many times have you heard these phrases?

Just go with your gut feeling. Follow your heart. Trust your inner guidance system.

These days I find these words plastered all over the place.

But how easy is it really?

The truth is, it's not.

It's not easy when you first embark on this journey to even know what your inner guidance - also know as your gut feeling and your heart center - is telling you.

At first, finding your path is confusing because you can't tell. It's challenging to distinguish what your path is with what everyone else told you was the path to go on.

That's why my main motto is START SMALL. Pick one area of your life where you can begin to tune in, listen to and act on your inner guidance. This will allow you to practice in small, safe doses.

I believe starting with food and meals is one of the most empowering ways to begin this journey because there are so many thoughts and ideas out there on what you "should" eat and what your body "should" look like. It's hard to trust our inner guidance around food because there is so much fear surrounding it.

You don't need to start with food and your body; you can choose anything.

Here's the thing...

We start with the intention to trust our inner guide.

We slow down, tune in, listen to and ACT on it.

That action, or intention to act, will bring up fear.

That fear is inherited.

I'm going to walk you through something I'm experiencing in this moment.

I've been feeling "irritated". around snacking in this house and I'm noticing it more and more.

I feel a pull towards eating more meals and I'm not sure if it's something personal for myself or if it's something that I want for my family. It's been something on my mind and I see it's coming up to be seen and heard. In the past I would have overreacted and taken it out on the kids or a kid. I have learned to slow down and notice before I overreact. Even so, I find myself saying something in a tone of voice that is far from loving.

MY INNER GUIDE OR SOMETHING INSIDE OF ME WANTS TO GET RID OF SNACKS.

IS THIS BASED IN LOVE OR FEAR?

IF IT'S MY INNER GUIDE, IT WILL BE BASED IN LOVE.

IF IT'S FEAR, THEN IT'S AN INHERITED IDEA.

I DON'T KNOW YET.

This morning, my son, who already had breakfast, walked over to the living room, sat down and waited for the bus while munching on something. I wondered what he was eating and hadn't he just finished his breakfast? I don't say anything but notice that this is coming up.

(Now I can tell you this - I've been struggling with my weight, my body and my eating lately. So I know this is about me, not my son. )

Myy alarm goes off in my bedroom and I need to go upstairs to shut it off. As I walk up the stairs, I peak over the railing to see what he is eating. He has a stack of cookies in his hand, close to his mouth. It feels like he is hiding his cookies.

I say, "You're eating cookies?" with a higher pitched voice than usual. "Why are you eating cookies? Didn't you just eat breakfast?" So no wonder he would hide the cookies from me!!

He responds by saying he was planning to take them to school for lunch but he didn't feel like bringing another container.

I didn't respond. I went upstairs, shut my alarm and came back down.

Now I'm all in my head about how that transpired.

"Did I make him feel bad?"

"Am I trusting his inner guidance system?"

"Do we need snacks in the house?"

"Is eating cookies everyday okay?"

So now I get to pause.

I can continue to be in my head about this... analyzing, wondering, thinking and never knowing why I'm having this reaction, or I can feel into my body and emotions and find out where this is coming from

I closed my eyes, put one hand over my heart and the other over my belly and tuned in.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

That is telling me there is a part of me that wants to come up to be seen and heard.

Since I decided to do this while I'm writing in the dining room, I have no privacy.

I hear someone walk down the stairs so I stop.

I decide to revisit this feeling later when I'm alone.

I drop off the other kids and come back to the house and decide to eat something.

I choose to have popcorn with my coffee and find myself mindlessly eating.

I wonder if this is me avoiding my feelings. As soon as the thought arises, I push it away.

I keep eating.

When I'm done, I decide to go upstairs and sweep the floor. While I'm in my boys' room I decide to move the furniture around. Once I'm done moving the furniture I decide to take all their clothes out of the closet and put them on my bed. There are clothes everywhere.

Then I decide to wash their sheets and bedspread and change their bedding.

(Decide is not actually what is happening, I'm moving from one activity to the next without pause.)

I whip out the vacuum and vacuum the drawers, windowsills, until the room is stripped bare and everything is in place - besides the clothes on my bed which I intended to go through with them.

I am aware that in my impulsivity, I have now created a huge mess in my room with my bed covered mile high with clothes that the boys and I have to sort through this evening.

They are not going to like this! Now I'm in a predicament of having to force them to do something that they hadn't planned or do it myself.

I'm getting tired. I finish sweeping the upstairs floor and I'm feeling better.

Everything is in place. My house is not chaotic (besides my bed).

This calms me.

So what happened? What happened when I decided to feel my feelings later but when I was alone, went crazy cleaning?

Maybe I got scared? Maybe I didn't want to feel those tears? Maybe it meant that this would push me to do something that I was scared to do?

I will never know what is going on inside me until I actually sit with my feelings and feel them fully.

I try to go back inside by closing my eyes and putting one hand over my heart and one over my belly.

Some things come up but as soon as I try to feel her feelings she quickly darts away and I lose her.

This is my inner child. She is not ready to speak to me.

I pause here with an awareness that this is just the beginning of this healing process.

Today I decided not to buy extra sweets for the house in my grocery shopping.

I decide I will only eat three meals today and see what comes up in between these meals.

I am ready to heal this part of myself and I'm grateful for the opportunity that my soul is giving me to tune in, listen to and act on my inner guidance.

Since I haven't fully felt this part of myself I don't know what I will choose to do. I may choose to keep treats and sweets in the house or I might not. Maybe I'll do a hybrid that works for me and the children.

I don't know.

I won't know until I tune in, listen to and feel what this part of myself needs me to hear.

This is it.

This is An Intuitive Living Practice in a nutshell.

Our inner guidance guides us to something.

Fear comes up.

We are present to the fear.

We choose love over fear.

With Much Love,

Maria