good luck. bad luck. who knows?

Did you ever hear the story of the Zen farmer? This story, once I heard it, is a constant reminder of how there is no way of knowing what our life circumstances will bring. Good? Bad? Who knows? Here's how the story goes...

There once was an old Zen farmer. Every day, the farmer used his horse to help work his fields and keep his farm healthy.

But one day, the horse ran away. All the villagers came by and said, “We're so sorry to hear this. This is such bad luck.”

But the farmer responded, “Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?”

The villagers were confused, but decided to ignore him. A few weeks went by and then one afternoon, while the farmer was working outside, he looked up and saw his horse running toward him.

But the horse was not alone. The horse was returning to him with a whole herd of horses. So now the farmer had 10 horses to help work his fields.

All the villagers came by to congratulate the farmer and said, “Wow! This is such good luck!”

But the farmer responded, “Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?

A few weeks later, the farmer's son came over to visit and help his father work on the farm. While trying to tame one of the horses, the farmer’s son fell and broke his leg.

The villagers came by to commiserate and said, “How awful. This is such bad luck.”

Just as he did the first time, the farmer responded, “Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?”

A month later, the farmer’s son was still recovering. He wasn’t able to walk or do any manual labor to help his father around the farm.

A regiment of the army came marching through town conscripting every able-bodied young man to join them. When the regiment came to the farmer’s house and saw the young boy's broken leg, they marched past and left him where he lay.

Of course, all the villagers came by and said, “Amazing! This is such good luck. You're so fortunate.”

And you know the farmer’s response by now…

"Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?

If everything is neither good nor bad then life's experiences become neutral. If everything is neutral then what happens next doesn't hold as much weight as it used to. Life becomes something you experience from moment to moment instead of everything being about what will happen next and how it will make you feel.

Judgment holds us in an endless loop of repetitive patterns. If we like the way something feels then we want to keep repeating that same pattern. When we don't like the way something feels, we try to avoid that experience. Judgement is not only based on something we deem "bad" but judgement is also placed on things we deem "good". In order for something to be deemed good the opposite of that thing must be bad. It's really such a slippery slope. Something we need to bring awareness to in our everyday lives.

This has taken me a long time to learn.

I don't know about you but for me, I would get scared. Scared that my kids would not live their best life if a particular behavior or experience continued. I would get scared that not having friends meant they would suffer loneliness their whole entire life. I would get scared that when they sat and played video games all day that they would end up being unhealthy and isolated. I would get scared that if they didn't do well in school that they would not have the opportunities that would allow them to succeed. I would get scared that if they ate too much candy then they'd get sick or "worse" fat!

It was only when things were going well that I would feel like I could breathe. When the kids were active, socializing, and engaging in activities. There was a sense of having arrived. These days I'm aware that the idea of having arrived never happens. Life will continue to ebb and flow. There is a time for everything in our life. Now we can just sit and be with what is and allow ourselves to feel it fully and trust that whatever unfolds is exactly where we need to be.

My kids, now teens, are all healthy and thriving and it's not because I let them do all those things, both the good and the bad. It's because I learned to be with the part of me that was showing up in those moments. I got to heal the part of me that was scared and would say things out of fear. When you release the judgement, which is based in fear as well as history, then what you are left with is love. And from that place whatever we say or do will be expressed as love. Love transcends the moment we are in and allows us to be present to the experience as

Here's a true story that also reminds me that we don't know where life will take us...

My grandmother had three siblings. At the time when the inheritance needed to be split my grandmother and her husband (my grandfather) decided to let everyone else pick what they wanted first. They loved their siblings and didn't want to argue with them. One sibling picked the store, another picked the house, another took the money and they gave a plot of land to my grandparents up in the mountains that was hard to farm or build on back then. This plot of land was the least valuable of all the inheritance. Fast forward to the present moment and the land became the most valuable of all the assets. Good? Bad? Who knows? Things don't always turn out as you think.

This story about my grandparents is so meaningful to me. As my parents were separating their own property I always believed that "I got the shit end of the stick". Well guess what kind of experiences I was collecting evidence for with that mindset?

It took a long time to heal that.

That was the most painful yet the most powerful experience I've ever had and as I allowed myself to feel and heal what was showing up for me and now I get to experience the freedom and fun of stepping into the unknown in a space of curiosity and compassion as I watch my own life unfold in mysterious and magical ways.

MY INVITATION TO YOU:

We've all had the experience of being in a situation that felt "bad" when we were going through it but ultimately was the best thing that could have happened to us. We've also been in experiences that have felt amazing when it was happening only to bring sadness and grief as it unfolded. Life is made up of all these various experiences. Noticing this in our own lives will help us to see it in our children's lives.

Reflect on some of your own experiences in life. Notice how life ebbed and flowed. How one experience brought you to another. How you discovered your own innate wisdom and courage through the "bad" experiences as much as the "good" ones.

Learn to look at your children's experiences in the same way. Good? Bad? Who knows?

With Love, Maria