who's showing up?

Showing up requires curiosity and compassion. Without these two magical ingredients, we may abandon ship before it ever sets sail.

I'm guilty of this. All the time. Abandoning ship, that is.

Perfect example is this website. It's been about two or three months since I wrote my last post.

I got to the point where I didn't know what else to say or how to say it.

There is an aspect of me that abandons ship when she doesn't know what to do or how to do it.

This part of me shows up at work, on this website, when cleaning certain things in the house. Even when dealing with certain relationships. She doesn't know what to do so she doesn't even show up.

This part of me, let's call her "the-one-who-abandons-ship", is one, only one aspect of myself.

I am made up of many different aspects.

I have a creative aspect, an entrepreneur aspect, a mother aspect, a teacher aspect, an angry aspect and so much more.

Some aspects are easy to see and recognize. Others are hidden in the shadows, obscured by the dark.

This one, "the-one-who-abandons-ship" aspect, I never even met until this very moment.

She's an aspect of myself that I didn't want to acknowledge, hence why I never knew she was showing up in some very important places in my life.

As I sit here and write, I become curious.

With hand over heart,I close my eyes, and allow her to come out of the dark and into the light.

I try to feel her.

I get a sense that she is scared.

I wonder what she is scared of.

I get an answer from within me. "Of feeling like a failure."

None of what is going on right now is intellectual. I can actually feel her while also accessing a higher aspect of myself. I have been doing this work for many years, and with that being said, I still discovered her today. I'm glad I did.

As I continue to dialogue with this aspect of myself, I begin to feel compassion. I sense a younger version of myself. Someone who was told that she was stupid for not knowing. Someone who was left to figure it out on her own. Someone who didn't have any support.

My eyes well up. I try not to be overtaken by her emotions and move back to a higher aspect of myself.

This aspect of me, the one who abandons ship, just wants to be seen, heard and acknowledged.

When I don't know what to do or how to do it she gets scared and decides it's best to leave before I look stupid or like a failure.

Right now, I'm so glad I met her. I'm glad this website offered her an opportunity to tug at my heart strings and let me know that she was there.

So who's showing up in your life?

This is a very important question.

Noticing and tending to the parts of ourselves that show up in our lives heals us. This healing allows us to show up to our children's experiences with a clean slate. With the ability to leave our own history behind we are better able to respond from the now moment.

Next time you have a reaction, take time to notice what aspect of you is showing up.

Be curious.

Then have compassion for that part of you that reacted.

Make this your practice moving forward and see how your relationship to yourself and your children changes naturally.